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I wrote the first draft of my wedding vows! Although I have heard vows plenty of times at the weddings I photograph and in the cinema, I had no idea where to start. I am not embarrassed to admit that I started with Google. I looked up as many vows as I could find to figure out what to say, how to say it, and how long personal wedding vows should be. Repeating after an officiant is one thing, but if you are looking to create a more unique and personal wedding ceremony experience, you will want to write your own vows. After writing my own vows I realized that many couples could benefit from my own vow writing experience and ideas.
Agree On A Vow Length
Before you begin, you will both want to agree on a length for your vows. You don’t want to be at the alter standing there listening to a long speech by your beloved only to have a few short sentences to share with them in return. That can be cringe worthy embarrassing. You also don’t want to bore your audience (spouse included) with an ongoing monologue. At the same time, keeping your vows too short is a lost opportunity to promise your spouse a happily ever after. Agree on a time together, perhaps a word count, to keep make sure the vows go smoothly and that you are both on the same page.
Decide On A Mood
Set the mood. You can decide this together with your partner or decide to make it a surprise. Do you want to share something funny, sweet, romantic, or emotional? What would be meaningful for you? For your spouse-to-be?
Write Something Meaningful
Traditional or modern, vows can include any combination of religious or cliche sentences. If you’re going with very common wedding vows, make sure to personalize one of the vows in some way.
Search For Inspiration
Go ahead; look up inspiration from your favorite romance movies. Listen to real vows, look up traditional, modern, or religious vows online. What do you like? What do you want to avoid? Don’t be afraid to take traditional vows and rewrite them to fit your needs. Just don’t plagiarize. Your partner, and your families, will know if the words are not coming from the heart.
Personal, But Not Too Personal
You want your vows to have some personal connection to your relationship, rather than keeping them generic. That is why you decided to write your own after all. However, keep the too-personal details to yourself. I like the grandma test; Would you read the vows to your grandmother? If not, reevaluate. Don’t overshare.
The Vows
When writing vows, you would be amazed how many times people forget to include an actual vow. Wedding vows are the promises you are making to your partner for your lives together. Make sure to use “I vow…,” “I promise to…,” or “I will…” at least once or twice. Keep on topic.
Tell A Story
Writers block? Share a short story. It could be the day you met, an unforgettable shared experience, or how your proposed. Sharing a short story can help you connect your vows to your relationship’s past. If you are having difficulty, perhaps write a short letter to your beloved instead.
Rewrite
Make several drafts. Your first draft is your rough copy and should be improved as you go on. Read your vows out loud to see how they sound. What wording choices can be changed? Are your sentences too short and choppy? Any run-on sentences?
Practice
Practice to see how it sounds. Practice for confidence and to help you remember (or better yet, memorize) what you wish to say. Practice so that you know when to pause or slow down for effect. Practice so that you can hit the punch line if you’re aiming to be funny. Practice so that you can give your very best vows.
