Your Bride Tribe | Choosing Your Bridesmaids | Live Lovely Weddings

Whether you have only one maid of honor or a bridal party of ten, choosing your bride tribe is essential to running your wedding day smoothly. You’re not just choosing the women to stand beside you in pretty portraits, you are selecting a support group to help you plan, prepare, and present your wedding day. Who you choose has a profound impact on your day for better or for worse. So how can you decide?

The first and only rule you need to follow is knowing that you need to pick who YOU want to. This is your decision only and no one has the right to tell you who to pick for your bridal party. Friends might be rude enough to ask to be included. Siblings, family members, and future in-laws might feel entitled to be a part of your party. But this is not their wedding, it is yours. The women (or brides men) standing beside you should be the people who support you no matter what. They’re the ones who truly wish you every happiness and want what you want for your wedding day. They’re the ones you turn to when times are tough or when you just want to spend time with an uplifting friend. They’re the people who never talk about you behind your back or frown down at your lifestyle or wedding choices. When choosing who to stand beside you, choose the people who will make sure you have a wonderful wedding, no matter what. 

Traditionally, the bride had her sisters and future sister-in-laws in the wedding party because weddings were all about cementing family relations, especially for financial ties. These days women marry for love, not financial security, and they are also paying more and more for their own weddings. Choosing your wedding party is no longer about being diplomatic and doing what everyone else wants you to do, its about doing what you want. 

I always knew that I wanted my sisters and cousins in my bridal party because they’re the women I trust the most, who I know will always have my back, and who have been there for me throughout my entire life. My cousins are some of my closest confidents and friends. From a very young age, I always knew that I would have them as my bridesmaids and I am so glad that I followed my heart in that decision. I have no regrets. I also knew that I had too many close friends and that having to pick between them all would be hard not just for me, but for them too. I didn’t want to cause any rifts. On the other hand, I have known women who felt they could not decide between their friends so they had them all. It was expensive, chaotic, and stressful for everyone involved. 

Perhaps you don’t want to have a bridal party at all because you want to keep your day simple and intimate. Or maybe you only want one person to stand with you. Or maybe you do want all of your close friends to be there with you. 

If a friend really is a good friend, she will understand your reasoning for not being able to include her in the bridal party and will gracefully accept that choice. If she does not, perhaps she is not as good of a friend as you suspected, or you need to do a better job of letting her know that not having her in the party does not mean that you do not value your friendship. If you do find yourself in a situation where the friend becomes angry and starts causing problems such as petty arguments, or even engaging in bullying behavior, its best to communicate immediately and clear the air. If this friend persists in being angry or even resentful, despite your best efforts to make her feel loved or included, then perhaps some space will be necessary. 

As a wedding photographer, and a young woman seeing many of my friends getting married, I have witnessed many bad situations with bridal parties and even experienced my own with women who were vexed that they were not included. These women don’t have your feelings or best interests in consideration. This is your wedding day, not theirs. You have every right to include who you want to and should never be made to feel badly for it. These people are being selfish and if they are causing problems leading up to your wedding day, it may be best to keep them at a distance or even not invite them if you fear they might cause a disruption on your day. This person is thinking only about themselves, not at all about what is best for you. 

Do not let others guilt you into including someone that you feel would not do a good job for your wedding. The bridesmaid’s job is to be there for you for the events leading up to the day and for the wedding day as well. Their role is to help you plan events, put together lists and decorations, go out with you for supplies or to meetings when you need a helping hand, and to run interference on your wedding day to make sure your day runs as smoothly as possible. Their job is to be there at every large event leading up to your day. By accepting your invitation to be a bridesmaid, they have accepted these conditions. If you pick a dress they hate, its their job to accept your choice and to be graceful about it. I have seen too many cases where a bride chose a bridesmaid because she felt like she had to, knowing that there might be problems ahead and watching as it all unfolded. Arguments breaking out between the women in the party, drama over hating the dress, the bridesmaid telling the bride what she is and is not allowed to do, jealous tirades, bridesmaids who make it all about them, and bridesmaids who go MIA when needed. It can be hard to put your foot down, but when you politely decline someone asking or even telling you to include them in your bridal party, you are preventing even larger disputes later on. 

On the other hand, I have also seen many lovely and successful bridal parties where the bridesmaids were absolutely delightful on the wedding day, working hard together to make sure the lovely bride had the best day possible. These ladies are incredible, and to be honest, far more common than bad bridesmaids or vexed friends. When we surround ourselves with kind people and are kind ourselves, it will circle back to be there for you on your wedding day. 

When choosing your bride tribe, remember to ask your heart what it truly wants. It is too easy to let peer pressure consume your wedding day. Go with the people who bring happiness to your life because they will bring that light with them to your wedding day as well.