Take Up Space | My New Year Resolution - Live Lovely Photography

Take up space. I dare you to be bold, be seen, be heard. As young women in society we’re often told subliminally to become small. To not be involved in politics, to not reach for higher positions in the corporate world, to not be too loud, too free with our love, too exposed with our clothing, too much of everything. We’re taught to literally be paper thin in order to be beautiful, to take up less space. To be seen and not heard. This past year has been all about breaking the boundaries from the Women’s March to the Me Too Movement. Women are judged for being working mothers, for holding jobs that require travel, for sticking up for themselves, for breastfeeding their children, for making their dreams reality, for being female, being proud of their bodies and who they are, for being smart, and for being strong. We’re put down for dressing and expressing ourselves the way we want.

Even in my own circle I am supported until I reach too high. It is ok to be a blogger, as long as I don’t show my face in my photos too much on Instagram or on social media because that is too inappropriate, too narcissistic, too much like bragging. It’s ok to have travel goals, but don’t travel too much because then I will think I’m better than others. It’s ok to be a photographer and make money, but don’t go making more than us. We’re taught to feel shame for being seen and being heard. You probably experienced some form of judgement or shame yourself this past year. Perhaps about your weight, your makeup, your hair, your job, your income, for the car you drive, or where you live. We’re told to be more, but if we actually become more we’re shamed for having too much and reaching too high. It’s ok to reach for your dreams, but once you do some of the people who support you turn around and tear it all down for it. Not all people will, there are many who can be happy and supportive for others even if they’re unhappy in their own lives or working on a similar goal. There is connection over competition. You will have many cheerleaders and supportive friends. However, there are those who feel envy, and then there are those who feel pure joy for others when they achieve their dreams.

We raise ourselves by raising others. Let’s make a vow to support our goals this year and the goals of the women around us. One person’s success does not mean your failure.

Personally, I was always the quiet kid, the bullied kid in school. And at home I faced my own set of obstacles. It was safer when I wasn’t seen or heard. I coped by finding things I enjoyed; reading and time spent outdoors alone. I was always urged by people I love to be bolder and be seen. My husband has been my best supporter, encouraging me to quit a toxic job last year and go for my blog and photography goals. He is the one that told me that I should also be in front of my camera instead of behind it so that my readers can see me during my travels, adventures, and experiences for my blog. And he was right. People don’t want to just read about your lifestyle tips and travels, they want to see what you’re doing, they want to follow your story and see you in the images as well. When I started getting in the picture I started gaining more momentum with my blog, earned more followers and readers, and also grew in confidence. I’m a normal person, not a super model, but I can still feel good about myself in front of the camera, even with messy hair and no makeup. That took a lot of work, as I am much comfortable on the other side of the lens and posing is still hard to do. I had to shake off years of low self-esteem, embarrassment, and feelings of unworthiness to stand in front of the camera. That is quite the achievement for someone who has been taught her whole life to hide away, for someone who did not feel good about herself or the way she looked. That she was not pretty enough to be in photographs.

I started to truly enjoy the process. I had readers following along my journey as I shared simple living and travel tips, photo shoots, wedding planning advice, and the places in New England that I loved. I had fun and I felt creative and empowered.

In response I had several family members encourage my progress and many close friends have been inspired by my journey. However, I also faced negative feedback. Surprisingly, none by strangers or online trolls. But rather, some people who I feel very close to. With comments like, “How do you expect to even support yourself with a blog?” to shame my career path, never mind that I was just starting out as a blogger. Or “All you do is take pictures all the time, of course you did well in school for that, you didn’t have to be smart in anything else.” And “You must think a lot of yourself to post pictures of yourself all of the time.” And one hypocritical comment by the queen of all selfie-queens; “The only reason why you travel to places is to take pictures of yourself there. All you do is take pictures of yourself all of the time.” Ouch. Were they right? Is it bad to be seen? Am I too much? Is it bragging? Selfish? Narcissistic?

I almost quit.

I almost gave up.

I almost hid from the camera, from my blog, from my life. I stopped going to local places to explore and I stopped sharing them with my readers. But I never stopped dreaming up ideas for blog posts.

But that wasn’t true advice that was given to me by these particular individuals. That was envy speaking. That came from people in my life who were having a hard time in their own lives and felt angry seeing my happiness because they wanted me to feel as badly about myself as they feel about themselves. They wanted to bring me down to make themselves feel better. These people were hurting in some way. They wanted to shame me into shying away from reaching too high because they couldn’t do it themselves. I was told that by perusing well-being and positive living and helping others on my blog do the same meant that I didn’t care about the well-being of the people in my life. I couldn’t comprehend that. Sharing my good moments, my happiness, achievements, travels, and highlights, didn’t mean that life was always perfect. I have my own struggles too, just as we all do. I also try my best to share that because we don’t live in a picture-perfect world.

I worked so hard to get to where I am today.

I often struggle with depression and very recently a new anxiety to go along with it, most stemming from the pressure these specific people have been putting on my shoulders. I’ve had career and financial struggles, just like anyone else. I’ve felt sadness this past year, hurt, and pain. But I also didn’t let it control the rest of my life. I still got up in the mornings, no matter how hard it was I made a commitment to myself to keep pushing forward instead of giving in to hurt, sadness, exhaustion, or anger. I was going to do something positive, constructive, and good with all of the bad to take control of my well-being rather than let it ruin me.

And yet I have let comments like those ones as well as some deeper comments about my personality, my work, how I look, how much I make or don’t make, and who I am bring me down to pieces. It is easy brushing these comments away if they’re form a bully or a stranger, but when they come from the people who are supposed to uplift us, it hurts the most. It has taken me years to get over the anger and hurt from the obstacles I have lived through in my youth. I have let my fear of people I love believing that I think I am better than them keep me from making more money, doing more with my time, traveling more often, and being seen because every time I go after something I truly want (every single trip I have done this year, sharing my thoughts on my blog, my beautiful wedding to my husband Matthew, and our honeymoon) the negative backlash is hard to endure. Every time I gain something positive, there is always someone trying to tear it down in response to it.

It is time to stop caring what people think about me and to live my best life now, no holding back.

I will not quit.

I will not give up.

I will be seen, I will be heard, I will take up space.

I will not be shamed into hiding from the camera. I will not stop blogging or trying to share positive living with the world. I will not quit trying to take my business to full-time. I will not stop traveling or sharing my experiences in hopes of inspiring others. I will not stop enjoying simple living and minimalism. I will not stop being myself and I will not be afraid to share it. I will not stop doing what I love or enjoy simply because other people want to make me feel bad for enjoying them.

These people want me to go back into my corner and stay small. I just won’t do that anymore.

My previous resolutions have always been a three or four word theme; like a previous resolution to “Try new things.” My resolution this year is to “Take up space.”

I will be bold. In fact, I am going to do the things that I have always wanted to but have been afraid to because of fear that someone trying to tear me down for it.

I will be seen. This year I will be in more photos. Even if I don’t feel pretty that day, I am not going to shy away from being in the picture. In fact, I will be working on a self-portrait project to immerse myself right into the belly of the beast; my fear of being seen or being judged for it. I will not let anyone shame me for being in my photos. I will also chase after my wedding photography goals, being seen at bridal expos and networking events.

I will be heard. I am going to take French lessens and even a singing lessen that I have been too afraid to do in the past. People have commented to me that by trying to be bilingual it means I think I am better than others, which is ridiculous. Plenty of people are bilingual (or know even more than two languages fluently). It opens the door to communication, travel, culture, and a better understanding of the world. It does not mean that I think I am smarter or better than anyone else, but it will help me better myself though and that is nothing to be ashamed about. And I want to be able to sing. I will never be Idina Menzel, but I can eventually learn to carry a tune and pass for an ok singer. Singing does not mean an inflated sense of ego, it means joy. This is something I have always wanted to do. I have always pictured a better version of myself who could sing songs to her future children or sing Christmas carols in public without making people cringe. I can be that.

I will chase my dreams to become a full-time photographer and blogger; someone who travels for wedding photography and travel blogging and makes a living doing it too. I already have a couple destination weddings under my belt and I know I can continue to grow.

I will not be shamed into changing who I am or stopping myself from becoming who I want to be.

I will take up space.