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It all started several days ago when I woke up early to tidy our bedroom because our bedroom window in our apartment was to be repaired. I didn’t want a mess blocking the window and I didn’t want the embarrassment of the repair person coming into our room and seeing it like it was. I ran around clearing off surfaces, putting away laundry, I made our bed, put all the dishes away, and hid paper clutter. It was stressful!
I discuss simple living a lot on the blog and how we gave up our bigger space for a much smaller studio apartment. I talk about living with less and most of the time (not always) I’m pretty good about practicing what I preach. I have also opened up recently and been honest about my depression and anxiety over the past year or so. The part that gets me the most is the exhaustion. I have felt so tired, no matter how much sleep I get at night. It isn’t laziness that keeps me from tidying up our small space, it is the feeling of exhaustion all of the time. That and living in a tiny space means little messes look like big messes and that contributes to my anxiety and stress levels significantly. I felt trapped. I get home from work and it is dark and I am just so cold and tired. When I do clean something it feels like everything else just gets messier or it gets messy the day after it is finally done.
A big part of that is changing our habits to clean as we go along to keep things from piling up. And I know I cannot always count on Matthew to help. Messy spaces just don’t stress him out as much as they do to me. Perhaps “mess” is in the eye of the beholder. I see a “cluttered” apartment, he sees a “clean enough” space.
But there has been a shift.
Numerous blogs (starting with travel blogs which lead me to minimalist blogs like Becoming Minimalist by Joshua Becker) attracted me to the simple living lifestyle. This eventually brought me to Marie Kondo’s book “The Japanese Art of Tidying Up.” You have probably heard of Marie by now for her “spark joy” method of decluttering, her New York Time’s best selling book, or maybe even her new television show on Netflix. If not, her method is simple; only keep items that “spark joy” and discard the rest. She also has numerous folding and organizing methods she uses to create more space and to keep your home looking clean. Her method isn’t 100% for me nor will it work for everyone, but I enjoy most of it.
That brings me back to the other morning. After months of struggling with my mornings; feeling sluggish, burnt out, sad, angry, or just plain exhausted; this jolted me a little bit. I have been recovering from my depression with the help of my loving husband, supportive friends, therapist, and healthy life choices, so I felt a shift that morning. I was stressed running around tidying up before I had to leave for work. But my space was clearer and I was moving around a lot in the morning; much different than staying trapped under my covers longer than necessary. I came home from work to a tidier space and felt better for it.
For someone who takes pride in her tidy space and who lives a simple living lifestyle, I did not know how I got back to that messy atmosphere. I was being pretty hard on myself. What would my readers think if they saw my pantry or my closet? I was feeling like an impostor. I had to be kind to myself and take a step back. Everyone goes through struggles and hard times. My depression was a hurdle I was overcoming, one step at a time. Going back to the basics; the KonMari “spark joy” method, would be a gentle way to start.
So that night I determined that I would get up a little earlier than I have been the next morning to watch the first episode of Marie’s new show. I took a shower and pulled up Netflix on my computer. It was a cute show, nothing absolutely spectacular. Marie was just as sweet and passionate about tidying as she was in her book. The transformation in the first episode was nothing truly big or life altering. The end result was that the home of the couple she visited was neater and less cluttered, but pretty much the same. I actually liked that. It goes to show that even small changes can have a profound impact. The cluttered home was causing the couple high stress, which kept them from doing other things. They felt frustrated and exhausted. By the end of their project they felt more at peace. It goes to show that even small adjustments can create a peaceful and happier environment. I could do this too.
If anything, it gave me a goal and a purpose to get out of bed earlier in the mornings. Now I wake up, make myself some tea, and eat breakfast over watching an episode. It doesn’t just “spark joy,” it also sparks inspiration. I get up and vow to declutter just one tiny area of my apartment (while listening to music) before work. It could be a drawer, a basket, the pantry, or a pile of papers. I like the shift in my routine because it makes me move in the mornings and do something productive first thing, so that I have more energy during the rest of my morning and when I come home at the end of the day I don’t have to feel like I need to clean because I have less to do.
Will I be doing this routine for long? I hope not. I hope that the end result is a clear space and I can continue the earlier routine, but filling it with activities that I want to do instead. I want to be back to where I started; living simply and enjoying my time. But for now, I will be KonMari-ing my mornings.
