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All around Connecticut it is beginning to look like Christmas. Local towns and villages are hosting holiday strolls and Christmas tree lighting festivals. The lights are up on houses and Christmas tress glow in the windows. As I drive to and from work I see cars with pine trees strapped to their roofs, holiday music is playing over my radio speakers and we even had some snow on the ground about a week ago. Christmas is always a beautiful time of year no matter where you live, but for me it always feels extra magical in New England. The first Christmas celebrations in the U.S. took place here. And like my favorite holiday film, Christmas In Connecticut, I love following my own traditions year after year.
This year I am simplifying my Christmas In Connecticut wishlist. I started my Christmas in Connecticut practice back in 2016 when we moved back to Connecticut and I made it blog official in 2019. My goal was to always share the best that Connecticut had to offer during Christmas time. I always try to do it all. But with the wedding season being so busy this year (I’m still doing a lot of editing for my wedding photography business), working during the week, and with money currently being a little tight, we are hoping to scale back and slow down. This year I am really seeking simple. I am craving coziness and simplicity for Christmas, a good old fashioned Christmas.
A couple of years ago I was reassessing what the holiday season meant to me. I had faced many changes in 2018-2019. My husband and I had gotten married, we made adjustments to how to split the holiday season, and I struggled through building boundaries with a couple abusive and controlling family members. The holiday season felt raw. It was supposed to be the “most wonderful time of the year,” but instead I was severely stressed full of anxiety. That Chirsitmas I became estranged from two of those controlling and abusive family members; one I was left with no choice in order to protect myself and the other who cut me out in retaliation to get back at me. I was grieving the loss of these relationships. Emotionally I was really suffering, but trying so hard to enjoy the holidays and to be happy. I didn’t want them to take away another Christmas form me. I was emotionally and physically exhausted from the emotional abuse I had been experiencing.
The next year I went through a phase of trying out the traditions I had missed out on as a kid and exploring new experiences for the holidays. I felt as if I had to make up for all of the seasons festivities that I had missed. That first Christmas after being forced into going no contact was full of both relief and sadness. I did it all as a bandaid to sooth my pain and to distract myself. The year after that was 2020. Another stressful year, but also one full of healing and hope. That Christmas was calmer, but I was missing the big family gathering on Christmas Day. This year I feel a lot healthier and happier. With the holidays approaching I feel so much hope.
And then there is this year. I feel so healed compared to where I was a couple years ago. I’m still stressed this season due to a busy work load, but feeling so much hope and holiday joy. Life is full of seasons. This season I’m searching for slowness. I’m embracing it. So although I won’t be running around New England sharing all the best holiday events that I can pack in before December 25th, I will be celebrating with much love and joy. I hope that you will still follow along and enjoy the journey, even if it is a little more simple and slow this holiday season.
Wishing you happy holidays.
