A Season To Gather

Summer is a season to gather. Summer holidays and picnics, graduation and birthday parties, clambakes, BBQs and evenings spent around a bonfire roasting marshmallows for smores. I go to quite a few summer parties over the season, but rarely do I host them. Hosting takes time, space, money and planning, but it does not have to be expensive, fancy or complicated. Think of how much joy you feel when you’re gathering with people you love and have fun spending time with. Cultivating that joy does not need to be complicated. This summer is going to be a summer to gather.

I have so many plans to invite people over this summer. Small dinner gatherings (especially dining al fresco in our backyard), movie nights (maybe even outdoor movie nights), BBQs, game nights, tea parties, book club meetings and more. And I’m not waiting for a weekend to do it. Community doesn’t just happen on the weekends; it is something we should incorporate into our daily lives.

I enjoy going to gatherings and I am looking forward to making our small rental home a space to create joyful memories for the people I love as well. You do not need a big yard or to own your own home to host a gathering. You do not even need to invite a lot of people to have fun or make a meaningful or memorable event.

This is our first time renting a house together and having a yard and a little extra space has been a game changer, but even in our tiny factory studio apartment we hosted meaningful gatherings with friends and family over a home cooked meal, game or movie.

Here are a few of the rules I’m implementing to make these gatherings a reality this summer:

One. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Making my home feel “perfect” before inviting people to my home has been ingrained in me since I was little. My grandmother had anxiety around presenting the perfect home and my mom was trained to follow her footsteps. And so was I. Of course, I want the bathroom and kitchen to be clean for my guests. But this year I’m not worrying about the paper clutter or any evidence of my home being lived in. It’s ok if there are dishes in the sink or if I didn’t get the chance to vacuum. Ok, well, it still bothers me. It’s a work in progress. I often feel like how my home looks is a representation of me (and often it has been chaotic lately), but I’m making a conscious effort not to let it stop me from connecting with people I love. People will remember how they felt in your home, not how it looked. This is a reminder just as much for me as it is for you.

A few simple cleaning before guests arrive when you have only moments to spare is to open the curtains to let in the light, clear off all surfaces, hide extra clutter in tote bags that you can pop into a closet to sort after your guests leave, run the vacuum, wipe down the bathroom sink and toilet bowl, and light a candle to make the entry room smell fresh. You can also funnel any clutter into one room and close the door.  Presence over perfection.

Two. Keep the food simple.

Small budget? Host a pot luck and ask guests to bring a dish. Order a pizza and call it a day. If you don’t have time to cook but want a little fanfare, hire a caterer. There are so many options for food and also many budget friendly recipes you can follow. You do not have to make food from scratch. Pick up some pre-made dishes or frozen foods and pop them in the oven. Or if you still want to cook something, you can include some of your guests in the food prep and cooking process. Make a grazing tray with snacks like cheese, crackers, fruits, pickles, olives and dips. You don’t have to be the hostess with the mostest, you can keep it simple. As long as there is a non-alcoholic beverage option available and enough to go around you’re all good. And checking in with your guests for food preferences and allergies is a must to being a considerate host.

Three. Don’t wait for the weekend.

Summer weekends fill up fast with obligations. It can actually be more stressful to host on your day off when you need a rest day, especially when every weekend you’re on the run. Consider hosting a small gathering on a weekday after work. For me, Thursdays are my early days and I have plenty of time to prep before guests arrive. People love an end of the week dinner party or game night. It makes the week more joyful and it gives guests a night off of having to plan dinner at home.

Four. Keep the guest list small.

My family is so big. I often feel bad if I leave anyone out, but the truth is that smaller gatherings give you an opportunity to really connect. You can always alternate who you invite so that you don’t leave out specific friend groups or family members. You will be able to spend quality time with your guests if you keep the invites to a smaller party. With smaller gatherings, you will have the energy to host more often and alternate your guest list. Plus you can keep your guest list limited to a group of people who know one another. At larger gatherings people tend to segregate amongst their social groups. Smaller groups mingle.

Five. Simple dishware and decor.

If you don’t have it already, find yourself a set of dishware for a group of eight. Eight cups, plates, bowls and linen napkins are all you need (or the amount for your typical number of guests). And for decor, a table cloth and some fresh flowers is more than enough. You don’t even need the flowers. I know that this is the part where I lose people. Disposable plates and silverware are easy, but the cost adds up if you host frequently, it’s bad for the environment, and it really doesn’t take long to wash a few extra dishes.

Having one nice set you can reuse all year long is a great investment and adds beauty to your gatherings without having to purchase additional decor. It feels elevated, but it is simple. You do not need different dishes for every occasion. Find a set that really speaks to you and has a design that can be used for multiple types of events. Thrift shops, Ebay and Homegoods are great places to find sets. Homegoods and Goodwill are also great places to find tablecloths. I personally love switching out linen table cloths because I can set the mood or a theme without having to spend a fortune and I can reuse them over and over again.

Six. Plan an activity to center the gathering around.

Again, we’re going for simplicity. You can invite people over for a game night and have a game selected ahead of time. Choose a movie to feature at a movie night. If you know you need to break the ice with a certain group, plan a topic of conversation or activity to start with. Host a craft making gathering, flower arranging, or bake cookies together. Set up cornhole, badminton or a basketball hoop. Place a smores station near the bonfire. If kids are invited, have a few activities laid out for them like bubbles or sidewalk chalk for outside and art supplies like coloring books, water colors or air dry clay for indoors.

Seven. Background music sets the tone.

Pop on your favorite playlist in the background and you’re good to go. Keep the music selection light and select songs that suit your mood. Classical or café music for a dinner party, oldies or nostalgic hits for a game night, and up beat bops for an outdoor BBQ.

Eight. Remember to take in the moment.

Don’t disappear all night because you were worrying about the dishes or cleaning up after. Save that for after your guests have left for the night. Sit back and enjoy the conversation. Partake in the meal together if you have arranged for food. Join the game. Don’t spend so much time catering and hosting that you forget to spend quality time with the people you want to spend time with. Remember the point is to connect and have fun. Be a participant in your own party.

Most of all, remember to center your gatherings around your reason why. Do not host because you feel obligated to. Host when it feels right, when you need a moment to slow down and connect with the people you care about. And if you cannot host yourself, don’t turn down too many invites. You might find yourself needed the gathering more than you know. The definition of to “gather” means to “bring together and take in from scattered places or sources.” We’re so busy and scattered in our lives. It feels so good to pause and reconnect to who and what really matters. I hope you gather this summer.