Cultivating Compassionate Self-Talk

Our minds play a large role in how we see ourselves and we have the power to alter the outcome of our days and experiences with our own thoughts. We have all been caught up in the trap of talking negatively to ourselves, whether it was from a simple mistake like oversleeping, letting negativity take over when we’re stuck in traffic, or berating ourselves when we don’t reach a certain goal. Cultivating positive self-talk doesn’t come to us as easily. 

It is much easier to tell ourselves we’re stupid when we do something wrong or crush ourselves when we give into a temptation like giving into a craving when we’re trying to eat healthy. It is much harder to tell ourselves, “Hey, it’s not a big deal. You’ll learn from it and do better next time,” or “everyone makes mistakes, you’ve got this!”

Yet I have found when I have taken the extra steps to give myself compassionate self-talk, it completely changes my mindset, mood, and the rest of my day. 

When someone says something to hurt me, in the past I always internalized it, and sometimes still do. It was easy to say to myself, “Maybe they’re right,” or “I’m worthless.” Words are powerful. Instead, I have learned to let them go instead of adding to them. They still can hurt, but the pain is much worse when I add to it with hurtful thoughts of my own. “That is simply not true,” is a great realization. “Their words do not define me.” 

The first step is recognizing when your thoughts and self-talk turns negative. You make an error on a project and your first reaction is to be critical of yourself. Stop it before it happens, or at least, learn to recognize it so you can do your best to turn the thoughts around. Call yourself out just like you would if you saw a bully say that negative comment to your bestie. 

The second step is to learn to treat yourself like you treat others. You wouldn’t call anyone you know “dumb” or “worthless” when they make a mistake, so why would you ever tell that to yourself? Stop the internal name calling and shaming. 

Step three is learning compassion for yourself. This might be the most difficult step of all. Let the negative go and promise yourself to do better next time or better yet, forgive yourself for the mistake. We all make them. 

As a bonus fourth step: use mantras and positive reinforcement. You do not need to wait for a negative moment to impact your day before you share kindness with yourself: start the day off right by telling yourself, “Today is going to be a great day!” Heading out to an important meeting or event? Give yourself an internal pep-talk; “You’ve got this! You’re smart, confident, and capable. Let’s show everybody what you can do.” It sounds absolutely silly, I know. But it really works! 

The way we talk to ourselves in our minds has the power to change our entire day, compounded that can change the outcome of our lives. Let’s promise ourselves that we will do our best to curb negative self-talk and cultivate compassionate self-talk. 

What do you say to yourself to change the outcome of your day? I would love to hear your positive reinforcements in the comments below.