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Never have anything to wear? Have too many clothes? Not enough clothes? Want more clothes? Would you be happier with different clothes? Or maybe you’ll be happier if you get rid of more clothes? Or fit into your old clothes? Perhaps a capsule wardrobe might help? Let’s rethink this for a moment. Capitalism and marketing agencies want you to believe that you’ll be happier with more or that you are inadequate until you purchase what they’re selling. We know that the answer is not buying more, but perhaps it is not about getting rid of more either. Modern tidying shows and movements inspire people to get rid of most of their extra stuff. The answer to happiness is living with less. But maybe the answer is not about the quantity itself. It may be as simple as gratitude.
I am not advocating for hoarding possessions, especially clothing items you do not like or wear, but I think that we’ll keep repeating our purchasing mistakes if we don’t address the real problem. Overbuying, hoarding, and even decluttering and minimalism can be symptoms of a much larger issue and most of it is purely emotion based. -How we feel. Buying can feel good. So can decluttering. But both, when overdone, can also cause unhappiness. The messages of ‘if you’re not happy, maybe you can buy it’ we know to be false advertising. A new purchase may be exciting in the moment, but it is a novelty that does not create lasting wellbeing or happiness. We know that over shopping is bad for our wellbeing, our savings, and how we feel about ourselves. But what about the opposite?
I love simple living. Minimalism has given me many tools and made me think about different perspectives. Our relationships with other people and ourselves are so much more important that material things. Minimalism advocates for removing the excess so you can make room for what is truly important and I am a firm believer in that. But if you mindlessly discard, you are not making an intentional step towards better wellbeing, especially when it comes to clothing. And when you try to fit into someone else’s idea of how much you should own, you might disregard what actually makes you happy. Because if you get rid of items that you actually need or love, then you may experience regret or just go back out there and buy more. That doesn’t serve anyone.
When it comes to what we keep in our closets, I’m actually proposing something a little different; gratitude.
Wether you have fifteen items or fifty-five, you will not be happy if you are not grateful for what you have.
I’m in the middle of a move to a new apartment. The last time we moved I got rid of about 40% of my belongings and purged to live a more minimal lifestyle. And while the benefits were numerous, I did have some regrets. One, living tiny was not productive for my husband. He is a big guy and is miserable in small spaces. He hated feeling cramped. And the smaller space did not give us the room we needed to cook, work out at home, or do the things we enjoy. During the pandemic it kind of forced us into being couch potatoes, especially when all of our local parks closed. And two, I actually regretting donating several items, most of them clothes.
You see, I prescribed to the “I have to own less,” or “I can only have…. number of …. items,” just like some people prescribe to excess shopping. Three years later, what did I do? I shopped to fill in the gaps that were missing in my wardrobe. Snow pants -a definite need for an outdoorsy girl living in northern winters. Blazers for layering at the office. But then I bought extra stuff too. Things that I had really wanted and enjoy. I felt so guilty about it. “I shouldn’t have this many sundresses,” I guilted myself. But I actually wore them all summer. They were used and enjoyed. Was that still excess? I found that I was focusing on the quantity more than how it impacted me personally.
As I packed away my (“too many”) clothes to bring to our new apartment, I had many kind thoughts. I felt so much gratitude. I first started sorting as a way to donate items I no longer need and love. And it turns out that I reached the point where I have already purged what needs to be purged and I also no longer buy items that I do not love or will not wear years from now. I’m very thankful for what I have. This revelation filled me with joy. The guilt of owning “too much” (according to who anyway?) went away. I also didn’t have any thoughts of wishing I owned other items. As a girl who grew up very poor, I felt so much gratitude because there was a time I didn’t have the necessities as a kid or couldn’t afford clothing that I needed. I didn’t need to get rid of items I purchased for myself just to fit into a lifestyle that didn’t bring me complete joy. That viewpoint felt over privileged to me. It is easy for people who are well off to simply get rid of excess because they can afford replacements or essentials when needed, but many people cannot. I also don’t believe that we have to purge items we love just because a movement says we must. You can’t take earthly possessions with you when you go, but I don’t feel shame in enjoying them while I am here. There is something to be said about the gratefulness and frugality of the generations before us. Yes, I’ll minimize kitchen items and electronics with ease, but style was a pleasure of mine. And I feel so much gratitude.
If you do not like what you have and do not feel grateful for it, you’re not going to want to wear or it might feel that you have nothing to wear. So I am proposing a solution using gratitude as a guide. Please, remove the excess from your closet. Purge, donate, and discard. Anything that you do not love or does not fit should go. Repair items that need repairing. Anything that brings up bad memories also does not belong in your closet. And when it comes to adding to your closet, let’s focus on being intentional with our choices. Only purchase items that you really need and love. Choose items that will last and are sustainable if possible. If you love everything in your closet and feel grateful for it, you won’t feel the urge to keep buying more. You also won’t feel needless guilt for owning clothing that you love, even if you have “too much” to be a perfect minimalist.
Make it a habit to practice gratitude every time you wash and fold your clothes, put clothing away, pick out your outfit for the day and get dressed. Be mindful, be intentional, and be grateful.
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