Gather – How Small Gatherings Improve Wellbeing

Gather

I adore a good gathering. As an introvert, that may surprise some, but I come from a big family that loves a good picnic or holiday party. My cousins host gatherings called Cousins Nights and every holiday is an excuse for a good party. Even us introverts who value solitude appreciate a good gathering. Sometimes a small gathering is just what we need to feel more joy and more connected. In a world where people are gathering less and less, a good gathering can have a profound impact on your mental health. The Atlantic Magazine recently shared an article about how people are partying and getting together less and how it not only impacts our social circles, but how we feel about ourselves.

The article, titled “Americans Need To Party More,” by Ellen Cushing, shares that “only 4.1% of Americans attended or hosted a social event on an average weekend or holiday in 2023.” She goes on to say that although many people polled said they wanted to attend more parties, very few actually go on to host them. The lack of gatherings is just one of many reasons why people are feeling lonely and isolated.

I understand that hosting and attending are two very different things. Hosting often involves planning, meal prep, creating activates, invitations, cooking, having extra funds to host, and a lot of cleaning up before and after. It takes work and even small gatherings need planning. Meanwhile, attending events can also take time and work if you need to plan a gift, find time and money to purchase and wrap said gift, pick out a nice outfit and get ready, commute and dedicate time away from work or other commitments. We all have our excuses, some valid and others to avoid having to socialize. I also think that knowing when to say no is important. We can’t do it all. When you’re over worked, even a happy occasion can feel like a lot of work on your already too busy to-do list. But often, these gatherings impact our wellbeing in unexpected ways.

Another Atlantic article titled “The Anti-Social Century” by Derek Thompson, states that “Americans are now spending more time alone than ever. It’s changing our personalities, our politics, and even our relationship to reality.” Thomspon continues, “Eroding companionship can be seen in numerous odd and depressing facts of American life today. People are dining out less and eating alone more. Since the early 2000s, the amount of time that Americans say they spend helping or caring for people outside their nuclear family has declined by more than a third.”

There are numerous reasons for this. In a post-pandemic world, people look more inward than to their outer circles. In most cases, we’re overworked and overwhelmed. Isolating helps us regulate our nervous systems when we’re feeling stressed. It makes sense that Americans are hibernating. As an introvert, I very much value my alone time. But I also realize that with my uniquely large family unit and close circle of friends, I always have an opportunity to socialize. I am grateful for my tight knit community. I am married to someone that I enjoy spending time with at the end of every long workday. But not everyone has access to that. Making friends in adulthood is hard, especially when all of your grown-up friends move to different states.

And even though I have social connections, I too have been feeling more isolated lately. My job, which I have recently left but had worked at for two years, required many late nights and weekends. Even though I liked the hybrid model of working from home a few days a week, our office environment was also kept somewhat isolated as socializing in any capacity was discouraged in the office except for our lunch breaks. I stopped hosting my book club and struggled to make other social obligations like my town Art Council meetings. I did not have time for my weekly yoga or Zumba classes. And now that we’re all married and many of my cousins have kids with school and sport obligations, making Cousins Night happen has been happening a whole lot less. We all have a lot going on, an epidemic of busyness. I miss spending time with the people I love.

It is understandable why people have been going out less and less, even those who do happen to work from home, have hybrid jobs or are stay at home parents. We are busy and everyone else is too. Commuting and eating out costs money that we just don’t have. But one thing I have noticed is how much happier I am when I do see people regularly, not just on social media. Having less time for my family, friends and husband was a key motivator for me to leave my job and search for another one.

Every year since moving into our rental home, we have been hosting a family autumnal Harvest Picnic. But we were so busy last year that we almost did not have it. I thought my family would not miss it, but I was asked by countless people if we could please make it happen. I had not realized how much they needed it too. We can all use more reasons to get together.

People long to connect. We like to have fun and spend time around people who make us feel good about ourselves. Interacting with other peoples gets our minds off rumination over work or other stressors.  Gatherings can make life more joyful and our wellbeing stronger. Obviously, I don’t suggest attending family events with abusive people. Those obligations are good for saying no to, but we should pay attention to how much time we give to those who uplift our lives. People like birthday parties and celebrations for engagements and special achievements. We need more celebrations in the world right now. For those struggling with depression, loneliness, grief or stress, gatherings can be an antidote that are often too infrequent.

Gatherings are also where we can make new friends, meet new people and learn about those who are different from us. We can try new things from foods to games to experiences new-to-us cultures. If we’re frequently out in the world connecting, we learn that people are all mostly the same with the need to feel accepted. Maybe if Americans gathered more they would feel less fear of people who are different from us and make connections outside of our immediate circles. This expands our worldview and changes our brains. This can change politics and elevate our empathy and ability to stand up for others. By connecting we feel closer to others and find joy in our connections.

There are many ways you can connect, even without a big network of people around you or a big budget. You can host a small gathering at your home like a game night, dinner, crafting party or plan a group activity like a hike or game of pickleball. Plan a picnic or a potluck where everyone can bring a dish. My cousins love a good soup party where every guest brings a crock pot of their favorite soup. You can join a gym or try a new work out class. You can find a meetup in your community, volunteer, or visit more community spaces like your local library. Libraries also have events that you can attend alone and maybe even make a new friend. Many libraries also offer free tickets to museums and events in your home state.

Watch a concert on a local town green. Invite an acquaintance out to get to know them more. Join a club like a gem and mineral club or something of a special interest that you have. Reach out to an old friend and ask them how they are doing. If you know someone who is struggling right now, invite them out for a walk, a movie night or out to dinner. You don’t have to go out for coffee, you can make some at home and invite someone over. You might just make their day.

People benefit from being invited to gather, to connect in-person outside of the world in our phones. Being invited, even if you cannot attend, simply feels good. Doesn’t it feel wonderful to be included? You can make others feel that way. The next time you’re feeling like you might skip something, consider for a moment saying yes. You might find that it was just what you needed after all.

Consider hosting more gatherings this year. After two years of a job where I missed some family events and rarely saw my friends, this is the year I wish to gather more. It does not have to be a big party or gathering to make an impact. It doesn’t have to be perfect either with a lot of food options or beautiful decorations, but if you feel included to go all out, that’s great too. Another reason why we almost didn’t host the Harvest Picnic last fall was because we couldn’t afford renting chairs for everyone. “Have everyone bring their own chair,” my cousin told me. So we put BYOC, Bring Your Own Chair, on the invites. Everyone brought a folding chair and we were all able to sit down and eat dinner together.

Gatherings improve wellbeing and mental health, even for those of us like myself who enjoy solitude. Be the reason why someone feels less lonely this year. We can all use a little more human connection in a world that is always connected, but rarely together.