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My last post for my Year of Living Lovely Project was about toxic friendships. It was an unfortunately important discussion, but today I wanted to speak about the amazing ability humans have to build new connections and friendships. Meeting new people is a wonderful experience, even if you do not build lifelong friendships with every person you meet, you can create a positive social environment for yourself.
Every time I have moved, changed jobs, or experienced a big life change, I have had moments of loneliness. Speaking to my friends online and over the phone helps, but having someone you know close by feels amazing. It could be a connection with a gym partner, weekly coffee date, travel buddy, or someone that supports your goals online.
As kids, most of us found it to be easy to speak to other kids; in school, at the beach, or on the playground. Kids tend to make friends everywhere they go. My fiance has this unique ability as an adult. Every time he starts a new job, goes to a new gym, or moves to a new place, friendships form in abundance. He never lacks for a movie night invite or a dinner out. I too can make new friends, but at a much slower pace. Sometimes I worry that with my large family, my business, and my great group of long-distance friends, that I won’t have time for the people in my life who are already a part of my inner circle if I meet someone new. Yet, new friends have a profound impact on our daily lives and bring us joy. Social interaction is important to human happiness.
So how can you make new friends as an adult?
If you’re shy, busy, or simply clueless about making new friends (like I tend to be from time to time), I have got you covered with my guide for grownups.
One: Take a lesson from the kids.
Kids know how to meet someone new simply by approaching someone and saying hi. They also make friends by showing genuine interest in other people. When I first moved to Connecticut, I didn’t know anyone local except for the people I worked with. One day I was in a spin class at my new gym and I turned to the woman next to me and simply said, “Hello, my name is Courtney. What’s yours?” I felt a little childish, as I hear kids use this phrase a lot, but it worked! It turned out her name was Sarah and she was also new to the gym. And just like that I had a spin class buddy. She didn’t end up staying at the gym for long, but for a few months I had a pal twice a week to work out with.
Two: Get Out and Try New Things.
You will never meet anyone new if you just stay home. I have had great conversations with strangers at the book store and from taking a walk around our neighborhood. If you see someone repeatedly in a work out class, try striking up a conversation.
Three: Join Online Groups and Participate.
The online world can be negative sometimes, but I have found great opportunities to meet other people through Instagram and Facebook groups. What I love about Facebook groups is that there is a group that you can join for almost any of your interests to meet people with the same hobbies or lifestyles. And if there is not one that you can find, you can make your own. I have joined groups for female photographers, wedding photographers, new bloggers, local bloggers, minimalists, travel lovers, and women who travel. These groups are often moderated so they’re usually kept light and people have given me the best advice and support through the groups. One of the groups even connected me with a lovely local blogger and we meet up form time to time for photo swaps. I even created a group for myself for the Year of Living Lovely Project to connect women who love simple living, travel, and other interests.
Four: Take Advantage Of A New Opportunity.
Every once in a while we are presented with an opportunity to connect with someone. Take it! When I studied abroad in England, I was in a store with my fiance and the cashier was really nice. She took an interest in my American accent and asked questions about my travels. When we walked out, Matthew turned to me and said, “She was really nice and she liked talking to you. You should go back in and ask for her number so you can hang out.” So I did! I was a little shy at first, but I ended up with a great new friend during my stay and we are still connected online.
This idea also has worked with some people I have met through work or my own photography businesses. Some of my more local friends are now previous clients that I have photographed in the past. We really hit it off and I am thankful to still see them long after their wedding days are over. (Pictured above is me with new friends MaryCatherine and Robby at their wedding last October. I was connected with them through another couple that I had become good friends with, Ian and Kassondra.)
Five: Volunteer.
If you love to volunteer your time, it is also a great way to make new friends and meet people. You will be connected with people who care about the same things that you do.
Six. Reach Out To People You Have Met In The Past.
Perhaps you used to have a friend from way back when, but you lost touch when you moved away. Years later you are back in the area. Why not reconnect? Reach out. You may find that your old friends are the perfect people to become your new friends.
Seven. Ask A Friend.
If you are feeling a little lonely for companionship, why not ask your friends if they know of anyone who may be interested in the same things as you. They may be able to set you up with a friendship blind date. Or if you are moving to a new place, ask the people you know if they have friend in the area that may be good to connect with. When I was living in Maryland, a friend of mine lived an hour away and she often introduced me to her friends. It was a great way to meet people and to have fun.
It may not feel like it, but you have the ability to make new friends every day. Sometimes it takes a little bravery, but the reward is worth it. How do you make new friends?
