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Once in a while I frequent Reddit support groups because it helps me to connect with people who have gone through similar things and sharing tips for healing. Sometimes I reach out for advice or give support to another person in the group. There was a chat that brought up a lot of comments from people with similar experiences recently and I wanted to share it because it resonated with me too. It was about the habit of eating too fast because of past trauma. I wanted to share some of that conversation with you today because I believe it is more common then we think and there is a solution.
Why do some people eat fast as a trauma response?
Whether you just had a strict family that forced you to always clean your plate without thinking of the damage it would do to you or came from an abusive household that had food scarcity or meal times turned into another opportunity for abuse, many people have picked up the habit of eating too fast. They eat so fast they they do not enjoy their meal or when they are eating out with friends someone always comments about how fast they ate. Sometimes people develop habits to always overeat to the point where they feel ill or have developed an eating disorder to “regain control” after this kind of abuse. No matter what happened, if you are eating too fast and do not know how to stop or slow down and it is impacting the way you feel physically, feel about yourself, or inhibits your enjoyment of food and mealtimes, then I hope this post helps you. I have a mindfulness tip that truly helped me overcome this.
If this behavior describes you, first know that it is not your fault. It was a survival technique and it worked. It got you fed and kept you out of harms way and away from punishment. Eating fast has been conditioned into you. Thankfully you are safe now. This survival technique is no longer serving you and you do have the power of letting it go. It takes a while to change a habit, but you can do it.
When I was growing up I lived in a very abusive household. Mealtimes were the worst. My brother and I dreaded dinnertime when we would have to sit down together with my mom and her boyfriend. If we didn’t eat hast enough he would accuse us of “playing with our food,” when we were not. For this we would be punished. He would threaten us, slap us on the back of the head, kick us under the table, or resort to verbal abuse and name calling. Usually these comments would start about a minute or two into the meal so my brother and I learned to eat dinner in just a couple minutes to get back to our room and out of sight as soon as possible.
Dinner time was punishment time. It was a time where we were belittled and called names. Everything from our hair to our clothes to our grades was scrutinized and made fun of. I was often called a “lazy bi**h” and if we said anything we would be threatened with the back of the hand for “back talking.” If our stomachs couldn’t handle any more food or we really didn’t like something, we would be forced to sit there, sometimes for hours or until we puked, until all the food was gone.
So by the time I got to high school I was a fast eater. I kept up the habit and eventually realized that people noticed my bad eating habits and were kind of appalled by it. I was embarrassed. It didn’t feel good and I certainly didn’t feel good after. Sometimes I overate because I ate so fast my body did not know it was full. So I decided to change it. Granted, it took a couple years to really get over the habit. Now my friends and husband know me as a slow eater. I have the opposite problem trying to eat faster, but that’s ok with me.
So how did I do it?
Mindfulness. I always felt anxious, especially at dinner time so I had to remind myself that I was safe. Sometimes the simple act of just knowing I am in a safe and secure place is enough for me to slow down and eat in a healthy way. No one is watching over my shoulder to punish me if I eat “too slow.” So remind yourself that you are safe. No one is going to yell at you for not eating fast enough and no one is going to punish you if you don’t clean your plate. You are safe.
The second step is savoring. I learned how to savor my food using mindfulness. When I find myself rushing I go back to this step. I will look at my food and notice the way it appeared. Did the vegetables add a pop of color? Was it slightly golden on the top or were the noodles in an interesting shape? Was there steam coming off the plate? I then notice the smell. Most food smells really good, especially a home cooked meal. The smell of food can bring back memories or make new ones. I then notice the taste. Good tasting food makes me so happy! I savor eat bite. And lastly, the texture. In other words, I learned to enjoy the act of eating. To stay mindful, always eat the your table instead of on your sofa or bed.
Another thing I learned was to enjoy making food. If you make your own food you often appreciate it more because you put in the effort to create it. Making a new recipe or a home cooked meal helps you to savor it. And taking mini “breaks” as you eat to force yourself to pause also helps. You can take a mini break in your eating to take a sip of water or if you are eating with someone, to ask them a questions about their day or participate in a conversation.
This might take you months or even years of reminders when you’re feeling anxious. But if you practice “safe and savor,” you will get there.
So remember these two things: “Safe and savor.” You are safe. You can savor and enjoy your meal. No one is going to punish you. The mantra of “safe and savor” has been a kind reminder to myself to nourish myself instead of punish myself. Because, let’s face it; if this behavior is causing you distress then you are punishing yourself long after the past is behind us. No one is now punishing you for eating “too slow” except for yourself. You deserve better than that. Stop punishing yourself. Savor every bite. You deserve it.
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