The Little Things No. 27

The little things really do add up, which is why every Friday I end the week on a positive note with appreciation for the little things in my life that make up a greater sense of joy. I hope you join me today in appreciating the good, no matter how small. I will also be sharing links from time to time about things that are inspirational, funny, beautiful, or important.

Because this is about appreciation rather than perfection, I’m not only including my professional quality photos, but some cellphone snaps as well. You can expect to see a more candid look into my life every week with my The Little Things blog posts every Friday.

Dear Friends,

What a week! I feel great today, but wow did I have some tough days. I feel more confident saying that now. I used to feel that I had to be “on” or “happy” for others. I was afraid to fall into self pity, be seen as a mess, or be told to “stop being a victim,” by the person who was emotionally abusing me. Being honest with how you’re feeling is not playing a victim. Not doing anything about it when you can is. I’m the hero in my own story, we all are. But life has always been full of ups and downs. Perhaps you feel the same way? It is a great big relief to let it out and let it go. I’m moving on with my life and growing and learning. It’s a process.

I made a big decision this week to share more of my story and take back some of my power. I was afraid to share parts of my life with people in the past because I feared the wrath of certain individuals if I shared the truth of my experience and I also did not want to hurt anyone. I’m still going to keep specific details and names private, as I should, but I do want to share more about the trauma and emotional abuse I have been through because I know that by sharing my story with a few close people it has already helped a friend of mine who has experienced something similar. I know that my story can help so many others.

I feared the “flying monkeys,” a term given to people who are being manipulated by a narcissist to harass you or spy on you for the abuser. I know that a couple of these flying monkeys do spy on my social media pages and report back to the person who has harmed me. I also know that these people have been manipulated to believe that I have wronged my abuser, not the other way around and that they actually feel that they are doing the right thing. Which is why I haven’t blocked a couple of them. At the end of the day, they can read my blog and stalk my social media pages, but it won’t change anything or hurt me further. The truth will come out eventually. If I block them it only gives more power to the person who harmed me and proves the abuser “right” to the flying monkeys. So I’m letting them do as they please because I have a life to live and I’m not going to sensor or hide my life anymore.

I feel that by being more open that perhaps I can help more people like myself too. It might take me a few weeks to really figure out what I want to share and how I want to share it, but I’m getting there. I know that it will be the final step in my healing journey to be able to talk about it and not let my abuser have that control over me.

I have also been working on my confidence and having more fun. I bought myself some roller-skates for my 30th birthday. I can’t practice at a roller rink right now of course, but I have been getting outside and giving it a go. It is silly and fun and I’m enjoying every moment. I’m feeling more confident in being myself again. It feels freeing. This is what several months of no contact can do for you if you put in the work to heal yourself and get away from toxic people. I still have far to go.

This week I spent quite a lot of my time unplugged so I do not have many photos to share, but I do have a long list of little things that I feel gratitude for. I hope that your week was also full of little joys.

This week, I am thankful for:

These new roller skates.

Feeling confident in who I am again.

Our nature walk the other night. I was feeling really down so I knew I needed some time in quiet in nature. Matthew drove me to a park and we walked around the woods and a pond where we watched a very large beaver swim across the pond.

At the end of last week I photographed a college graduation session and it felt so good to photograph people again after months of photo shoot cancellations.

I thought Matthew was crazy when he bought a nearly $300 refurbished Vitamix blender, but now I use it every day! I’ve been making green smoothies now for over a month and I feel so good. I’ve been eating more vegetables than ever before and I’m craving healthier foods. It has helped my mental health, made my body feel healthier in so many ways, and given me more energy. It has been a blessing.

Quiet moments at home.

Being kinder to myself and my body.