Wanting What You Have | Tuesday Tea

I hope you have a cozy cup of tea or coffee (or even hot chocolate) with you today. I am sitting here with a cup of tea in hand. Today I wanted to discuss the idea or wanting what we already have. It is the simple idea of loving or appreciating what we already own or the wonderful aspects of our lives that are already here. The human brain is wired to constantly be on the hunt for shelter and safety, for comfort, and for happiness. Happiness is not about things, but things certainly make us happy.It is easy to imagine how our brains confuse over consumption for this survival skill.

In Buddhism, the desire or craving for more things is what makes unhappiness. It is not about not having, but wanting more than what we have. And the science backs this up. What makes advertising, or even social media influence, so effective is that it triggers unsatisfaction and desire in us. When we are unsatisfied with what we have and want for more, we become unhappy. And when we achieve more or buy more it sparks that reward center of our brain. No one is immune, but we can minimize this voice in our head and find happiness and appreciation for what we already have.

So why does wanting things make us unhappy? I found this lovely article on the subject by Steve Taylor, PhD. on Psychology Today where he said, “There are a number of reasons. First of all, and most obviously, wanting creates dissatisfaction with our present state. It becomes impossible for us to appreciate or cherish our present state because we feel a sense of lack, and anticipate a better situation. Secondly, wanting makes us less present-centered. It takes us out of the present and re-orientates us in the future. Being present—or being mindful—naturally lends itself to well-being, whereas being overly future-oriented lends itself to discontent.” (Psychology Today)

Shifting our focus to gratitude is the ultimate fix for unhappiness. Did not get that dream job or promotion? Being thankful to have a job is a good place to start. We can chose to do this or we can wallow in what we do not have. And I’m not saying to diminish or invalidate our many feelings. I am on a waiting list for a photography studio (and have been for quite some time). Quite a few times I have felt poorly about myself for not being “there” yet. These feelings can be strong propellant to get us where we want to go. These feelings are what inspired me to search for studios to take that next step and to put my name on the last in the first place.

Most importantly, this gratitude practice can help us when we have a case of the “gimmies.” We something we really like, such as a nice sweater an influencer is sharing and we suddenly feel unhappy with the collection of sweaters we have at home in our own closets. Instead of giving in to the impulse and buying a new sweater, we can pull out a sweater from our drawer that is similar and style it in a refreshing way, generating new appreciation for what we already own.

When it comes to things particularly, many of us have more than enough, even if we do not have everything we want. I know that sounds very privileged and of course I’m not speaking about being without necessities. I grew up very poor. Not the, “I’m broke,” kind of poor, but the kind of poor where we didn’t have money for electric heat so we chopped wood for an old wood stove, skipped meals because there was no money for food, and I did not have a winter coat for a few years because I had outgrown mine as a kid. I know how it feels to go without, but even then I felt gratitude, especially knowing others worse off. When I talk about appreciating what we already have, I do not wish to minimize the experience of people who have had to do without.

If we have a roof over our head, our bills are paid, three meals a day and food in the fridge, electricity and safe running water, we own clothes and have a means to get around like a vehicle, then we do have a lot to be grateful for.

It is my hope that when you’re watching a show or scrolling on a social app and an ad goes by, we feel content with what we have over feeling the need to consume more just to have the latest gadget or trendy outfit. I hope that when you see an advertisement or a photo of a blogger wearing a cute sweater, that instead of feeling unhappy with what you have or making the choice to go shopping for more, it inspires you to dig into your own wardrobe to appreciate what you already own.

Want what you already have.

The next time you pour yourself a cup or coffee or tea, appreciate that cute mug you were gifted years ago, the one you reach for cup after cup of coffee. When the autumn air becomes chilled and you pull out that box or bag of autumn clothing, that you love and appreciate your old favorite outfits and cozy up to that favorite sweater. We can appreciate what we have by decluttering what we do not love, use, or need and focusing on what we enjoy. When we use our phone to text a friend, we can be thankful for the phone we have instead of wishing for the latest model. Because once upon a time, that phone was what we wanted and those clothes were the latest trends that we had to have. When we learn to want again what we already have we feel satisfied and happy.

Wishing you a day full of gratitude.