When A Beloved Pet Passes Away

Very recently our beloved cat, Mister, passed away at home after fifteen and a half years of love and friendship. I am writing this blog post for anyone who has lost a beloved pet, because as us animal lovers know, our pets are more than just animals that live in our homes; they are our friends, our companions, and our family. The pain we feel from their loss is very real and very personal, even when some people do not understand the bond you may share. 

I have lost numerous pets before, including two dogs, five other cats throughout my childhood, and numerous smaller animals like bunnies, hamsters, rats, and hermit crabs. The bonds we feel with some of these pets is truly profound. As much as I have loved my previous pets, Mister and I had a truly unique bond. I rescued him as a little kitten along with two of his siblings, Sweetheart and Cody who have also passed away. He was left out in freezing rain in January 2003 as a small kitten and had gotten stuck under a trellis in a ditch. It took me nearly an hour to dig to him and coax him out. He was very sick and one of his eyes was swollen shut. 

After nursing him back to health he became my constant companion and my shadow, even when we were outside in my mother’s yard. Mister was a large ragdoll breed of cat; very fluffy and very intuitive. He did not like to play with toys and couldn’t be bothered to play at all, but he was always there with wisdom and affection. For fifteen and a half years he knowingly would comfort me when I was feeling terrible. Through my turbulent home life during my teens he was my greatest source of comfort and joy. Before meeting my husband, I truly felt that there was no one on this earth that could love me as much as Mister did, especially for who I am. In many ways, Mister saved my life during my teens. He pulled me out of deep moments of depression and gave me something to be here for. 

He slept beside me for every night of our lives together from when I was twelve until now at twenty-eight. That is more than half of my lifetime. When my mother’s ex boyfriend would violently kick him out of the house, he would run around to the other side of the house and climb to my bedroom window for me to let him in. If I wasn’t there, we would climb to the roof and sneak in through a small hole in the attic just to get back to me. When I would go away for a night he would get very anxious and often sick. Going away for college was so hard leaving him behind when every summer or winter break ended. His separation anxiety was really bad and my mom would often run him to the vet because he would get so sick from the stress. 

When I brought Matthew home for the first time, my sweet kitty turned into a jealous bully. If Matthew sat next to me he would growl deep in his throat to warn him away. And no matter where we hid Matthew’s bag of clothes, Mister would always find it and go to the bathroom in it just to show him who was boss. Thankfully, after moving to our first apartment after college, they slowly earned each other’s trust and became friends. Shortly after, they were inseparable. 

After all these years together Mister was always my shadow, following me everywhere I went at home. Visitors were often surprised by him constantly following me everywhere I went. Now he will no longer be by my side or rubbing my head with his when I sit down, he won’t lay on my chest again every time I read a book or watch a movie, he won’t tell me off when I come home late or greet me by the door when I come home from work. He will no longer steal all of my hair ties when he thinks I’m not looking and he won’t nap on my shoes. Mister will no longer nod to me every time he sees me walk into the room or wait for me by my pillow to come to bed. He won’t give me any more bedtime kisses, push me out of bed when he wants more space, play with my hair with his paws, or cuddle me in the mornings until I wake up and have to get ready for the day. It has been difficult grieving because every time I have been sad he simply knew and would do anything in his power to get my attention and make me happy again. He is no longer here to do that now. We will always miss him. 

It has only been a week without him yet and already we know our lives are forever changed. For the first time in my life I feel loneliness when I am at home. Matthew is just as devastated by his passing as I am. And thats ok. It’s perfectly normal and ok to grieve a pet. Mister was family. 

Six months ago he had a very bad heart attack and stroke in the early morning and lost all use of his front leg. He woke me up by using all of his energy to jump onto the bed and nudge me with his head. When he saw me wake up he fell on his side and we bundled him up and brought him to the animal hospital and waited in the parking lot for them to open. The news wasn’t good; his heart was enlarged three sizes too big and he would most likely have another attack. He was put on an IV and oxygen and we brought him home that night. “He might have only a couple days or weeks left,” we were told. “He probably won’t be able to use his leg again. When he dies it will be a very traumatic event.” Despite all that knowledge, the vet advised that we wait it out to see instead of putting him down. We thought he wouldn’t even make it though the night. We slept on the floor with him downstairs on the air mattress. The next morning he was awake and alert and waiting for me by my pillow. A couple days after that he was walking around like nothing happened at all. He took plenty of medicine every morning and every night for six months and we are so thankful for all the extra time together. We decided to create a “kitty hospice” at home, giving him his favorite foods and plenty of love and attention while we still had him. We never imagined we would have all this time. 

The week before the wedding he knew when I was extremely upset and stressed and did his best to cheer me up. He was so attentive and in tune with how I was feeling. While away for the honeymoon he was watched over by my mom and step-dad, who loves cats and did a great job taking care of him. Rick even stayed over to watch movies with him and keep him company while we were away. It worked. Mister held on until a couple weeks after our trip and even my birthday. Last Friday I noticed he wasn’t eating and by Sunday morning he wouldn’t walk. Still, he was not in pain and was alert and himself. The vet wouldn’t open again until Monday morning. We knew it would be time to call the vet to see what to do in the morning. We had planned to have him euthanized in the comfort of home if it became necessary. 

Instead, we had a rainy day full of cuddles and movies. He laid on my lap and every time I stopped petting him he would lift his head and nudge me to continue. Shortly after nine at night he looked right at me once Matthew left the room and he took a couple deep breathes and was gone. We said our goodbyes and buried him in my mother’s yard in one of his favorite places with his favorite toy. 

As sad as it was, it was the best case scenario we could have imagined for his passing, after months of worrying that he would go through a traumatic and painful experience. It was peaceful, fast, and in a comfortable moment at home with all of us together. 

Some people have wondered why we bothered for so long. The simple answer is because his comfort and happiness was worth it. It was not a bother at all. He was a part of our family and one of my best friends. Of course we didn’t want him to suffer and of course we were going to take care of him until the very end. We weren’t going to euthanize him simply because he was old and needed more care, but we would if it became necessary. After all the years of comfort he gave to us it was the least we could do in return. I wouldn’t change a thing. 

Still, I am sad that he is gone and we miss him. 

When you lose a pet, you will always remember them, as you would for anyone you lose. Things may never feel the same. When we came home with tears in our eyes, our other cat Madeleine was looking for him everywhere. Sometimes I feel the need to search for him too. I’ll look over or reach next to me to pet him and he isn’t there. I walk in the door and expect him to come over to greet me and he can’t. 

So this is the message I have for you, my friend who has also lost a beloved pet; You will feel ok again, but its perfectly ok not to feel fine now. You can be as sad as you need to, cry as much as you have to, and look through photos and examine old memories. In fact, its pretty important to. But also accept that this is life. Death is also a part of it. Your grief is your own and it is personal. No one can or should tell you when to move past it or get over it. Not everyone is going to understand because not everyone has shared the same kind of bonds with a pet or experienced a similar loss. Never feel ashamed for how you feel. Don’t ignore your pain. Look after yourself and give yourself time to heal. 

Make sure you stay connected with other loved ones and try to find a new routine where you can find joy in small moments of your day. You do not need to find a “replacement pet” right away or even at all. Well meaning family members may try to find you a new pet. If you get one right away you may not be doing yourself a favor and it may not be beneficial for the pet either. Give yourself time. Meanwhile, maintain the routine and connections with the other pets or loved ones you live with or near. And never hesitate to seek support from a loved one or a professional if you need it. 

The passing of our pets is painful, but all the good they bring to our lives is worth the pain in the loss.