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I started my blog (at first on my wedding photography page LiveLovelyPhotography.com) in 2017 as a way to express myself in the world. I was dealing with my mental health; learning to overcome an abusive childhood in my early adulthood and silmultaneously unhappy at a corporate job where I was being bullied on a daily basis by a coworker. I read plenty of blogs in my free time (and even during working hours when I because extremely stressed under the harassment I was facing) when it dawned on me that I could write a blog too. I love to write and photography has always been my passion. I run a small wedding photography business on the side, but I wanted something that was just for me. So I created this little space for myself and others who were also looking to live a lovelier life, to thrive after difficulties.
When I quit that toxic job and moved to a new apartment I continued to blog and it became a place of hope and growth. I connected with other people who were looking to simplify their lives and find joy in the every day. I found a community of people who loved simple living, travel, and even shared my love for my home of New England.
By the beginning of 2020 I decided to separate my blog form my website and separate it from my wedding photography page. My readership dropped drastically as a result of the new domain name, but I believe that in the long run it was worth it to create the new brand of Live Lovely Travel. It has been lovely to finally see some growth this year. I went from several thousand readers before the change to just about fifteen to thirty a month. Then about two hundred. And now around six hundred and fifty. I hope that you are here because you are looking for a little calm and loveliness in your day too. If you are new here or a long time reader, I want you to know just how much I appreciate you. It feels good writing for somebody and I often imagine the person behind the other screen. I wonder what it is that you like to read on my blog and if it impacts you in a positive way, just as it does for me to write it. I wonder what you love to read on my blog the most and if I can create something that brings some joy to you in some way. I often ask myself if there are people just like me, overcoming a difficult past, and looking to thrive in the future. I wonder if anything I write makes an impact. Thank you for being here. I hope that you have found happiness in this space.
For a short while in 2019 I stopped blogging as often. I was overcome with shame and fear. The strangers I had met online were so kind and supportive of my blog, but a few “close” people to me were not. They made me feel embarrassed and ashamed to blog. And it wasn’t just the blog. It was everything. My appearance, my job, my education, my hopes and reams, my friendships, my relationship with my husband, everything was up for criticism and put downs. The blog was just another easy target. I was constantly criticized and torn down every time I made a new post. I was told that I was being selfish and full of myself for publishing my blogs and photos. I was told that by running a blog that I was a narcissist and selfish. That by appearing in photos that I was being arrogant. I started to believe it too.
If I posted a photo on my instagram of me traveling somewhere or doing something fun and positive I was criticized by these loved ones for not being pretty enough to be present on the blog and simultaneously being told that I was so full of myself for thinking I was so good looking that I had to be in my photos. Ironically, two of these people were constantly posting images of themselves in sultry poses while accusing me of thinking too highly of myself for posting pictures of myself. If I looked happy in any of my posts, then that was a crime and it was taken as a personal offense. How dare I be happy and share positive things when they were so unhappy? Didn’t I know that I was responsible for every bad thing in their life? I didn’t deserve to be in photos or write about my experiences. I can’t imagine ever thinking that way of any of the bloggers I see and enjoy following online. Everyone deserves to be seen and heard. I stopped blogging for fear that I would be torn down again and for fear that they were right. I was afraid to post anything on social media in case they found out. I couldn’t so much as have dinner with a friend without them finding out and my phone blowing up with accusations and cruelty. The thing about emotional abuse is that when it goes on for years and years you stop feeling upset by the other person’s actions, and start hating yourself. Manipulation, gaslighting, and all forms of emotional abuse is a very terrible thing. It shapes us in ways that we cannot imagine. It alters how we see ourselves and how we react to abusive behavior.
It was because of the readers on this blog that I continued forward. This community was so kind. And I spoke to a therapist and was surprised to discover how deep the emotional abuse in my life had gone. The very people accusing me of being narcissistic or not there enough for them were actually the narcissists. They were accusing me of the very things they are guilty of. While it is true that I do photograph myself for my blog, there is nothing wrong with that. I follow and admire so many infusers who are known for their being portraits and self portraits. Why is it ok for them, but not me? It is ok to be here, to be present, and to take up space. It took me so many years to realize that there is nothing shameful for being here in this space. My self esteem was battered, but I was starting to rebuild my confidence. Most importantly, I learned that I too deserved to take up space in this online community. That my message was worthy. That I was worthy.
Very slowly, I learned to protect myself and set up boundaries with toxic people. I also learned to take care of myself and to be emotionally kind and accepting towards myself. I started to blog again. A small post here. A picture there. Until I was blogging again and sharing my inner world.
When the pandemic hit I was recovering from the traumatic family falling out. I had gone no contact with one of the people who was the most abusive. Abusive to the point that it was destroying every part of my life and who I am. I had to get away and build boundaries to secure my wellbeing and my future. I realized that I had endured great abuse for most of my life and I didn’t want to live that way anymore. (It wasn’t just the blog of course, that was only the tiniest part. Everything about who I am and what I do was constantly being torn down, degraded, and scapegoated.) I was picking up the pieces with the love and support of the loving members of my family, my wonderful husband, and my friends when the pandemic came and my wedding photography business hit a stand still. I know how difficult that time has been for so many and I am thankful for all the blessing I had during that time. I managed to keep my secretarial job and even moved to a new apartment at the beginning of 2021. The extra time gave me time to think about where I want to go with my business and with this blog. It gave me the much needed time to reevaluate what I wanted out of my life. Perhaps you have had a similar experience.
So here I am. I am thirty-one now (officially since my birthday on Sunday) and learning to thrive. Perhaps I’m getting a bit of a late start, but better late than never. My blog is no longer an escape or about figuring it out. It is a space to thrive. A space to express and to share parts of me that I want to open to the world. My hope for this blog is that I can learn to share and write and photograph what I want without shame.
The online world is changing now. People are claiming that blogs are obsolete. But I don’t think that is true. I still love reading blogs and sharing my own blog posts. I know many people who feel the same. In a social media world that is constantly shifting, blogs are a constant and they are completely our own.
Live Lovely Travel is growing. The future of this blog is everything it has been, but more. I will continue to share travel posts and everything I can about New England and Connecticut. I’ll continue share well-being blogs about thriving after difficulties. But I am also going to reach further than I ever have before and really start to turn this blog into my business as well. I will not let fear hold me back. You will see more fo the things I felt scared to share. I will open up more about mental health and thriving. I will be sharing more natural products, and even the “frivolous” things I was constantly torn down for even thinking about; lifestyle content, fashion, and natural beauty. Live Lovely Travel is going to be much the same as it always was, but more free, more open, and more untethered.
I don’t want to waste another decade of my life trying to just survive it. I want to thrive. And I hope to bring you all along with me.
Thank you so much for being here.
