Why We Need To Focus More On “Being Here” Instead Of “Getting There.”

Although I battle my own demons from numerous events in my personal life, a lot of my unhappiness actually comes from my high expectations (and often unrealistic timing goals) for myself. It’s the “shoulds” that take me town every time and the resulting shame I feel. The “by now I should be full-time with my business,” or even, “I should be making this kind of money instead of what I bring home by my age.” Many of us have high expectations for ourselves, especially when it comes to our personal and vocational goals. The truth is that life does not work that way and success is not measured by any numbers or timelines. What I see when I take a look at myself is that I haven’t “made it yet.” 

However, what my friends see is vastly different. I am always surprised when they tell me that they think I’m so successful and that I’m living my dream. They see someone who is working hard on her goals and making it happen. I see someone who hasn’t “made it yet.” How can the two perspectives be so completely opposite? 

I have come to learn that is called shame. Shame is not the same as guilt. Guilt is when you feel bad for doing something wrong and shame is when you feel that you are what is wrong. Its not a good feeling to have, and it is unnecessary especially in this kind of situation, yet I have heard many of my friends and peers speak about their own journeys in a similar way. However, when I listen to their stories I also see people working on their goals and chasing their dreams. I see strong individuals who are figuring it all out on their own terms and who have already come so far. Why are we always so much harder on ourselves? Why can’t we see the good in ourselves and view our own accomplishments for the successes that they truly are? 

Sure, there is a truth that in society there is a pressure to keep up appearances and to look like we have it all figured out, that we have “made it.” It takes much more courage to recognize that life is a process and to own it for who and where we are right now. 

If we all took the time to appreciate being here in the present, for taking in gratitude for our current accomplishments instead of putting ourselves down, we would be so much happier. For every setback we have, we learn something new. For every time we feel that we haven’t “made it yet,” we can realize that we have already made it so far from where we started. 

I have been taking the time to really sort out my feelings and unweave them from the negative perception I have on myself. Instead, I am replacing those thoughts with a true to life evaluation on my own progress. I am focusing more on appreciating the present and myself as a person. I hope that the next time you start to put yourself down you will also hit the pause button and realize that you’re working on your goals. You’re doing something to get you to where you want to be and that is an accomplishment within itself. 

To see more of my adventures, please follow Live Lovely on Instagram @LiveLovelyPhotography. If you or a friend is working on ways to reach your own goals while being kinder to yourself, please share your story and ideas in the comments below.