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Lately I have been yearning for a simpler life. Thoughts of slowing down permeate my every day thoughts. I crave simplicity like a thirsty woman walking through a desert without water. Although I incorporate many simple living lifestyle choices into my daily life, I am still struggling. I believe it is important to share that with you, because I often share simple living on my blog. And simple is not always easy. As much as I know what I want in my life, it is not so easily attainable at times.
I am working full time in a job that I am not completely happy with, constantly overwhelmed and feeling very much burnt out, but I also need to pay the bills. Eight hours a day or more I am working behind a screen. This impacts my eye sight, my movement, and my ability to sleep at night after so much blue light exposure. I am lookin got get back into a more analogue lifestyle; one that includes more creative living and doing.
I do have my own photo studio that I am opening, but winter is a hard time to start and I am so busy with my full time job that I have very little time or energy left over for anything else. I am hoping to change that this year. The cost of living is extremely high and even with a college degree, working full time, having a side business, and living with a partner who also works full time, life can be a struggle. I often have to stop and remind myself how much better it is now than it used to be though. Every year it does get better, but it feels hard.
I am not saying this because I am not grateful. I am so grateful to have a job and to be renting the home we are living in. I am grateful for my husband and the life we are building together. But I feel it is important to share, because everything looks so perfect and curated online at times that we do not realize that many of us are struggling.
These days I am very happy to say I am not living in the past. I do not ruminate over the past abuse I experienced. I am not living in that trauma anymore, although at times of course it does impact my present. I am human after all and those experiences have forever shaped me. I am proud of how far I have come. Yet that little thought comes to my mind each day that I was meant for more than this. Not more as in more things or more wealth. but more joy and simplicity. I’m craving time. Time for myself. Time to spend with the people who I love and enjoy spending my time with. More time to cook good meals and enjoy those meals with loved ones. More time with my husband and with my family. More time to myself outside in nature or reading a book or creating something. More time for my own photography business and to write. More time for yoga and exercise. Most of my time right now is spent in service to someone else. The 9-5 and 40 hour workweek depletes me. It is not that I do not work hard, I absolutely do believe in hard work, but I would rather put that energy into my own business and life.
I tried minimalism to live a simpler life and although it helped, it sapped a lot of my joy. I’m a creature of comforts. I like books and tea cups and craft supplies and dresses and cozy sweaters. Growing up, my life was minimalist because we were poor. I ended up holding onto junk simply because it was mine. These days I’m more discerning. I know that I have more than I really need. I regret getting rid of some of the things I minimized from my life. While minimalism was not for me, I did take in a lot of the lessens on living more intentionally, being frugal with my spending, and decluttering what is no longer necessary or needed. I much prefer a decluttered space or a messy and overflowing one.
You can tell that I’m not completely happy with my everyday life when you walk into the cottage. The kitchen is a cluttered mess. Dishes need to be done and put away. The fridge needs to be organized. The home library has heaps of papers to sort and book piles to organize. The bathroom cabinets need organizing. Clothes are piled on my bedroom dresser. Our entire cottage could use a spring refresh. If only I had the time!
One of the blessings is that from all of this I truly know what I want in my life. I want to stay in this lovely little New England town with my husband. We have already made to many great changes to get us to where we are and I am happy. My only wish now is to have more time for what I love. I want to garden and grow a small orchard of apple trees. I would most likely have a few sheep for the orchard and some chickens. I want to have a small family with my husband and create a magical and imaginative childhood for any child we have.
My life will have more picnics, tea parties, and dining al fresco. Summer days spent kayaking and swimming. I would like to continue taking photos for my photography business and the studio. And create a simply lovely life where I spend time outside in nature, paint, craft, write, take photos, and garden. I will learn more skills in sustainability and self-sufficiently; canning and preserving my garden bounty and making my own soaps and meals. My time will be dictated by me and the life I wish to lead, which means I will have less stress and overwhelm.
I would also like to travel more. And with good time I might even finish writing a book or a few. And if I cannot live in an 1800s farm house as I wish. I hope we live in a cottage (maybe even this one) that is decorated beautifully and comfortably. That is my greatest wish in this lovely little life.
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